Parents of 2e learners often have trouble finding an ideal learning environment for their child. Should you stay in public school, try private school, homeschool, or try a unique school format? The answer is: It depends! On October 8, 2024, we heard from a panel of four parents about their experiences weighing school options for their children; each has 2e children who have attended various public, private, and home schools through the years. Local schools consultant, Lauren Meltzer, discussed client experiences and school search recommendations. We learned about the pros and cons of various learning environments, the signs it’s time to make a change, and the process of finding a good-fit school for your 2e learner.
A Framework for Fit
Abby Kirigin, REEL’s executive director, kicked off the event by reviewing the DEAR REEL model, which provides a framework to explore whether a school may be a strong fit for your 2e learner. She provided specific questions from REEL’s recent article in Parenting for High Potential to consider when looking at what a school offers in the context of developing connections, embracing flexibility, attending to strengths, and reframing behaviors. Check out the article for all the details.
The parent panelists then shared stories of their children’s paths through K-12 schools.
Lessons Learned through Breaking Points
One parent shared the story of her two autistic ADHD sons and the twists and turns their education journey has taken. Each attended public school for a number of years, but their success hinged on a lot of parental involvement. Each faced a mental health breaking point: the oldest when he transitioned to a very large middle school, and the younger when he was placed in a situation with a poor fit between him and his teacher, principal, and the school campus. Both sons transitioned to a small, private, project based school where they thrived. One of the highlights of this new school is that it serves students in grades K-8, which she noted, “Keeps the environment young. They still have recess. Plus, the school provided great flexibility—the kids can walk around and pace to think.” However, she also observed that a less structured environment can feel chaotic to kids when they first transition from a traditional setting to a more open culture.
Her older son recently chose a small but more traditional private high school. Unfortunately, this led to a second crisis when the school did not show understanding of neurodivergence or assignment flexibility. He is now at a 1:1 school. Each instance of pulling out required months of low-demand recovery time.
Based on her family’s experiences, she highlighted these lessons learned:
You can make some environments work if you are able to invest a lot of time/resources and schools listen to you and are willing to experiment
Trust your gut when it’s time to make a change; don’t be afraid to step off the “well worn path”
Environments may work for a time; but, as needs change, the environment may need to change
There isn’t one school that will meet all of your child’s needs–prioritize what you need the school to provide vs what you can supplement outside of school
The same school may not fit all of your children
Be a good partner to your school
Teach your child to self-advocate
Try not to ride their emotional roller coaster (easier said than done!)
Integrate strengths as much as possible into schools and at home
Every Child is Different
Another parent shared her experiences navigating the education system for her three children, who are all profoundly gifted; have ADHD, dyslexia/dysgraphia; and are highly social. They each had unique school pathways. Her oldest spent the majority of his early grade years at a school for gifted and creative children, then homeschooled in 8th grade while the family traveled for a year. Her middle child moved from this same school to attend dyslexic specialized private schools, and is now at a traditional private high school with strong support systems. And then her youngest child has been at the same private school with an active learning support team since kindergarten. She emphasized, “Even if your children have the same profile, see your kids for who they are.”
Looking back on all her family has learned, she discussed the challenges of transitioning her children from one school to another, emphasizing the importance of finding schools that provide on-site resources and support, because “These kids are maxed out after a day at school, so I work hard not to have a lot happen after school. I want it to happen onsite.” She also highlighted the significance of living close to the school (“Driving around is a lot on parents and students”) and not underestimating the impact of missing milestones, such as graduations, if you pull a child out of a school earlier than you planned. Lastly, she stressed the importance of finding a supportive community of parents with twice-exceptional children. Her family had an unfortunate experience with her oldest child’s charter highschool; it imploded and her son had to finish out high school unexpectedly at a 1:1 school. The good news is he took a gap year to make a documentary in Kenya and is now thriving at film school in Southern California.
When Homeschooling Works Out
Despite the fact that “Homeschooling was not on my radar or agenda,” our final parent discussed her son's struggles in traditional public school and how they transitioned to homeschooling/online-schooling —and how surprised she is that they are “having a great go of it!”. She highlighted the benefits of their current online program, which offers a project-based, collaborative learning environment and provides support for her son’s ADHD and dysgraphia. She also mentioned that they use a public home school charter school (Ocean Grove) that provides IEP services for her son as well as accountability.
The mom discussed her son's experience with online schooling, highlighting the benefits of flexibility and interest-based learning. He wanted her to share that “I love learning this way. I’m able to dive deep into topics that interest me.” She noted the development of his executive functioning skills and intrinsic motivation, as well as his ability to take breaks and manage his time effectively. On the flip side, she also mentioned the challenges of balancing career and family life, and the need for intentional social connections.
She concluded by sharing her son's preference for home schooling, how it gave him his light back, and the possibility of transitioning back to an in-person environment for high school. She shared, “He’s a different child. He’s in a calm state. He had a lot of trauma before. It’s so good to have him back.”
Based on their experience, this mom recommended considering alternative environments for children who may not thrive in traditional settings. She said “There’s never one perfect environment. Even with homeschooling, we’re always adjusting every year. If you go this route, you have to make the leap on what we’ve been conditioned to think school looks like. It’s been an unexpectedly wonderful experience for our family.”
Think Outside the “Box”
Our session closed with a presentation from local parent coach and school consultant for neurodivergent children, Lauren Meltzer. She shared her own experiences working with neurodivergent/2e children and their families, and emphasized the importance of understanding their unique needs and finding the right fit for them, rather than focusing on a specific school.
Lauren encouraged parents to think outside the box and explore different options for their children's education, with options such as schools for twice exceptional children, gifted children, micro schools, 1:1 schools, online schools, and those with specific learning supports. Lauren stressed the importance of understanding the school's approach to the twice-exceptional profile by asking questions about things like classroom management, group work, sensory needs, the availability of support resources, and flexibility for the child's style.
Lauren emphasized the need for research and networking with like-minded parents, and suggested visiting schools to get a firsthand experience. She mentioned that, in her own journey, she visited schools at drop off and pick up times to see their culture in action, including how families and educators interacted. In addition to checking if there are kids who might be a good social fit, she underscored the significance of a supportive parent community that embraces all kinds of kids. She noted, “I can’t emphasize how important the parent community is…if other parents have a ‘less than’ attitude about these kids, it will impact everything.”
Lauren highlighted the need for open communication with schools about a child's challenges and the importance of considering both their strengths and needs when considering a change in schools. She observed, “If a kid can never show their best self through strengths at school, it will be hard for them and they probably won’t find their people.” She suggests focusing on describing behaviors/needs rather than diagnoses if preferred. Lauren also discussed the challenges of applying for children with “behavioral challenges.” Many schools don’t accept children with externalizing behaviors, so it’s important to explain how you as a family work to address challenges and/or whether you feel they will not present in a “better fit” environment. There are schools who do accept children who struggle with externalizing behaviors and will work with the child on relevant skills and strategies.
Lauren also suggested applying for financial aid for private schools, because people in the Bay Area can often qualify even with good salaries. She advised parents to be authentic and friendly during the application process.
Wrapping Up
Finding a good fit educational environment for a 2e learner can be tough - but when the child has the chance to be in a space where they can be more content and safe to learn, it’s a magical experience for everyone. If you would like more resources to help you on the journey, check out these options from REEL’s past private school panels.
Lauren Meltzer School Consultant - Parent Resource Advisors, pra4parents@gmail.com
How to Evaluate Schools for Twice-Exceptional Learners: The DEAR REEL Model
-----
TL;DR
Understanding 2e Learners' Needs
School Selection Considerations
Look for schools that truly understand and can support 2e learners
Consider factors like class size, teaching style, available accommodations
Evaluate fit for child's specific learning profile, interests, and social needs
Be open to non-traditional options (e.g. homeschooling, online programs)
Reassess fit regularly as child's needs may change over time
Navigating the Application Process
Be upfront about child's needs/challenges to ensure school can provide proper support
Focus on describing behaviors/needs rather than diagnoses if preferred
Highlight child's strengths and what they can contribute to the school community
Ask detailed questions about 2e support, accommodations, teaching approaches
Supporting 2e Children Through School Transitions
Supplementing School Experience
Next Steps
Evaluate current school fit using provided criteria and questions
Research alternative school options in your area that may better support 2e learners
Consider consulting with 2e education specialists for personalized guidance
Connect with other 2e parents through organizations like REEL for support and advice