REEL Spotlight Series - Learning about 2e/Emotional Regulation, Pt. 1 of 4: Understanding 2e and Self-Regulation
- Teresa Nair
- Apr 2
- 6 min read
As part of REEL’s mission is to ensure Silicon Valley twice-exceptional students thrive in school by raising parent and educator awareness and understanding of practical, research-based strategies to address their needs successfully, we host quarterly topical Facilitated Small Group Discussions. We launched our first group in Fall 2024 focused on the topic of emotional regulation and twice-exceptional learners.
During these sessions, the participants dive deeply into topics of interest to caregivers of twice-exceptional children; the intimate setting allows for rich conversation and support to take place. We want to extend the learnings from these small group sessions to our entire community. After each quarterly group, we hope to publish a summary of the key insights.
Our first article in this series on the topic of 2e/Emotional Regulation (below) provides an Introduction to Twice-Exceptionality and Emotional Regulation. Our second article covers A 3-Step Pathway to Better Regulation Management. The third article dives into the Importance of Co-Regulation. The last article presents real-life situations and also includes a Reference and Resource List if you’d like to learn more. Prefer to read this straight through in one easy-to-print format? Check out this downloadable version.
“Kids do well if they can.” -Dr. Ross Greene |
Introduction
Parenting a twice-exceptional (2e) child is a unique and rewarding journey, often accompanied by challenges that can feel overwhelming and isolating. 2e children navigate a world that doesn’t always recognize or support their complex profiles. As caregivers, we’re called to advocate for, nurture them, and guide them through this journey, often learning as we go.
We chose to address emotional regulation as the focused topic of our first Facilitated Discussion Group because 75% of the respondents to our Annual REEL Community Survey said that this was an important area. Within this resource, you will find research-backed insights, practical advice, and a curated collection of tools around self-regulation to address the most common challenges faced by 2e families.
We aim to offer a starting point with ideas that you can revisit, knowing that developing self-regulation takes time and practice to learn about and master. Connection and grace are key underpinnings to REEL’s work. We understand that no two 2e children—or their families—are alike. That’s why we’ve included contributions from experienced professionals and the lived experiences of parents who “get it,” including a blending of real-life stories from the parents who participated in our recent small group sessions. You are not alone, and we hope that we will be a trusted companion as you advocate for and celebrate your 2e child’s unique brilliance.
Whether you are new to the concept of twice-exceptionality or have been navigating this path for years, our goal is to empower you with tools, strategies, and connections to help your child develop essential skills and thrive—academically, emotionally, and socially. We invite you to explore, share, and return to this guide as a source of inspiration and support. Together, as a community of families, educators, and advocates, we can help create a world where twice-exceptional children are recognized, understood, and empowered to reach their full potential.
A Quick Overview of Twice-Exceptional (2e) and Self-Regulation: Understanding 2e and Self-Regulation
Self-regulation is a complex concept that is defined in many ways. It is often referred to in discussions about how to manage emotions, behaviors, and reactions to various stimuli that could lead to a stress response. 2e children’s (and 2e adult’s!) experience of self-regulation may be more complex and unique compared to their neurotypical peers. Let’s start with an introduction to these concepts.
For more general information on twice-exceptionality, we recommend these resources:
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What Makes 2e Children Unique?
Exceptional abilities in one or more academic subjects.
Advanced cognitive skills, such as strong memory, attention to detail, or high verbal abilities.
Intense curiosity and drive to learn in areas of personal interest.
Remarkable creative abilities that often lead to innovative thinking.
At the same time, 2e children frequently face significant challenges in more traditional environments due to neurodevelopmental conditions like dyslexia, ADHD, or autism. Baum et al. (2017) introduced the metaphor of “green” to describe 2e children. This metaphor represents the blend of “yellow” strengths and “blue” challenges that interact simultaneously. 2e individuals’ strengths and challenges combine and interact, requiring support which differs from those with only one of these exceptionalities. Understanding this dynamic is essential to supporting 2e children in developing self-regulation strategies that work for their unique needs, taking into consideration their often asynchronous development of cognitive abilities, executive function, and social-emotional skills.
Example: A lion is always in the room.
A dyslexic, 2e child may genuinely enjoy a story when a teacher reads aloud to the class, and even participate in deep and creative discussions in complex and nuanced ways. Still, the knowledge that they may need to complete other related tasks, such as read the rest of the story themselves, complete spelling tests on the vocabulary, write an essay on the story, or read out loud to the class, can cause deep stress. The child experiences BOTH the joy of learning and despair of failure and humiliation, at the same time. To their brain and nervous system, it’s like a lion is constantly lurking nearby, waiting to pounce.
This joy of learning, coupled with the fear and exhaustion around the challenges associated with their neurodivergence, is a common experience for many 2e children. How do they learn to regulate these strong emotions and feelings that they are constantly bombarded with? Especially when, in addition to their 2e profile, they are children whose brains are still developing?
What is Self-Regulation?
Self-regulation is a complex concept. Because there is a wealth of information available about self-regulation and strategies for improving it, we provide a summarized glimpse into the concept, simplified for ease of understanding and practical application with 2e children and families.
Self-regulation is a skill we leverage across many areas of our lives in different ways. For the purpose of our small group discussions, we looked at definitions like Raising Children of Australia’s: “Self-regulation is the ability to understand and manage your behaviour and your reactions to feelings and things happening around you.”
From there, we discussed Dr. Stuart Shanker, a researcher and professor emeritus from York University in Canada, who developed the Self-Reg Model. He has written many best-selling books on the topic, describing self-regulation as “managing stress and energy levels to thrive.” The Self-Reg framework is a robust model featuring five practices that support self-regulation offering a deeper lens for exploring stress through five interconnected domains that influence stress levels: biological, emotional, cognitive, social, and prosocial.
And then we came to Autism Level Up, which shifts from a frame of self-regulation to energy regulation, recognizing that each person will have their own, individual emotional response to environments, situations, and triggers, and that children can learn to understand and attend to their energy in these various situations. For instance, the self-regulation and energy demands a person needs for a trip to an amusement park differ greatly from a visit to the library.
For twice-exceptional (2e) children, self-regulation and energy management can be particularly challenging due to the constant interplay between their strengths and struggles. When life situations are both too hard and too easy at the same time; when their tendency toward perfectionism clashes with lagging skills; or their ability to articulate at length about an area of interest while struggling to write for a class assignment, frustration and stress will likely be the result.
Ready to learn more? The second article in this series covers a 3-Step Pathway to Better Regulation Management. The third article dives into the importance of Co-Regulation between caregiver and child. The fourth and final article presents Real-Life Examples and Scenarios and also includes a Reference and Resource List. Prefer to read the full set of articles in one easy-to-print format? Check out this downloadable version.
Teresa Nair, M. Ed., has a Master's in Cognitive Diversity in Education and a Certificate in Twice-Exceptional Education from Bridges Graduate School, along with over 20 years of experience in education and business. Teresa is a passionate advocate for supporting families and neurodivergent children. Her extensive background and innovative work reflect her deep commitment to creating inclusive and neurodivergent positive environments. As a neurodivergent individual herself, Teresa combines empathy with expertise, offering valuable insights, resources, and support to help both parents and children navigate educational journeys with confidence and understanding. You can email Teresa at Teresa@reel2e.org.